If only you would love me
by HamanoAsuka
Summary: [Shounen ai] Renji realizes that he loves Ichigo. And the closer Renji gets to Ichigo, the more he loves him. The problem is that Ichigo is already taken. He and Rukia have been going out for about a year and they seem only to have eyes for each other.


**Disclaimer:** I certainly DON'T own Bleach and it most certainly owns me.

**Characters:** Rukia, Ichigo and Renji.

**Background music:** 'Shy' – Sonata Arctica, 'Love Hurts' - Paul Young, 'Our farewell' – Within Temptation, 'Thought I died and gone to heaven' – Bryan Adams

**Note: **This my first try on something quite this daring. Hope you'll enjoy it.

* * *

The moon was shining quite brightly this night. On a rooftop sat one lonely shinigami, scouting for possible hollows. But the night was quiet and that meant he would have to accept all the feelings and thoughts that came intruding. 

It was really strange, once you looked at it. Really strange how feelings could change so suddenly, yet in a way they always been there. It was strange how thin the line between hate and love was. And how the one you tried ever so hard not to fall in love with, always was the one you fell the deepest in love with.

A little more than three years had passed since their first meeting. Three years since he had been beaten by the other man. And how he had hated him. Hated him for stealing Rukia's powers. Hated him for making it so that she was going to be executed. Hated him for becoming stronger then himself. And despite everything he did and had ever done for Rukia, she still only looked to that man. How he had hated that. She talked about him all the time. It was "Ichigo this, and Ichigo that." There were days when he'd wished he could just strangle her if she didn't shut up.

Then there was that first time he saw them kiss each other. He had clenched his fists and almost attacked them. How he had hated to se her wrap her arms around him and to see their lips connect. Later they had announced that they were officially dating. How could she? With a stupid human! He gave them a few weeks. Then they would be tired of each other.

But time had just flown by and soon they had been together for a year. It was around then that Renji realized that he didn't hate Rukia for dating Ichigo. He was jealous of her. At first he tried not to think of it. It couldn't be true. He didn't even like Ichigo. But still, every time he saw them together, he wished that he could be the one walking next to Ichigo. Be the one holding his hand. But he didn't want to accept those feelings.

He realized that these feelings had been lurking around ever since that day when Ichigo had beaten him in soul society. That the moment when they had been looking into each others eyes, just before he had pleaded to Ichigo to save Rukia. Exactly that moment when he had thrown away all his pride. He remembered it like it was yesterday. Ichigo looking on him, at some level accepting him as an equal. But they weren't equals. No matter how hard Renji tried, Ichigo would always be one step ahead. After that he had changed his ways and soon he was to join Ichigo and the others in their fight to rescue Rukia. But he had gotten beaten again, and really hadn't been that much of a help. At least not in his own eyes.

Then came the years of pretending. Pretending to be Ichigo's friend, when all he really wanted was to kiss him. Wanted show him how much he loved him. Then he realized that he just had to accept it. He did love Ichigo. And he did wish with all his heart that Ichigo would love him back. But that would never happen. Ichigo only had eyes for Rukia. And Rukia was his best friend. And she was happy. He couldn't do anything but watch. No matter how hard he wished, he and Ichigo were just not meant to be together.

**_I see, can't have you, can't leave you there 'cause I must sometimes see you_**

_**And I don't understand how you can keep me in chains**_

_**And every waken hour, I feel you taking power from me and I can't leave**_

_**Repeating the scenery over again**_

Renji clenched his fist and struck it at the wall. The pain went through his arm, but he did not show it in his face. _"Why? Why do I always have to fall in love with someone I just can not have? Why?" _Tears came running down and he wiped them away.

It was always like this. First it had been Rukia. And now it was Ichigo. Was it just faith playing a sick game with his mind, that the only two people he ever remembered loving, were the ones that had ended up together? It seemed like all he ever was, was faiths toy. Though when he thought of it, he had never really loved Rukia in that meaning. Not really. They had been growing up together, and the love he had felt was more of that love you have for your sister. It really only took real love to show him the difference.

"WHY? Please somebody, just tell me why!"

No one answered. Not that Renji had expected anyone to do that. He fell down on his knees and screamed out all his pain into the night.

* * *

"Renji. How did your watch go last night?" 

Renji looked at the two lovers sitting in Ichigo's bed. They had their arms around each other, but somehow it seemed like they were sitting like that more out of habit, rather then will. Something seemed wrong in a way.

Rukia was the one how had asked him, but Ichigo too wanted to hear the answer. Sure he wasn't needed anymore as a shinigami, now that all the problems with Aizen were long gone. But he still helped them out and even took on some nights to watch.

"Okay, I guess."

"And what is that suppose to mean," Ichigo asked and his usual frown grew deeper.

"There weren't any hollows, so there wasn't really that much to do."

"Right. Sound like a great deal of fun."

Renji frowned. It sure hadn't been that fun. Quite the opposite. And all the thoughts of yesterday came creeping just by looking at Ichigo. He could do nothing to stop them. He had to change the subject of the conversation.

"So, Ichigo. How long was it now to your birthday?"

Ichigo looked confused.

"Now that's a twist in the conversation."

"It's just a few days away," Rukia answered in Ichigo's place. "Why do you ask?"

"No reason."

"O... okay."

Ichigo glance at Renji. Scrutinized him slowly. When Renji noticed this, a faint blush showed itself on Renji's cheeks.

"Why are you still standing, Renji? You've been in here for some time now. Why don't you sit down? There's plenty of space on the floor."

"Nah. I'm going soon."

"Oh. You got something planned?"

"Not really."

The truth was that he just couldn't stand being in the same room as Ichigo and Rukia. Seeing them together slowly tore his heart apart. He knew that one day he wouldn't be able to go on. His love would be much too strong for him to hide. But so far, that day was still some time away. He knew that when that day came, he would probably spell out his love out to Ichigo. And then his heart would be broken by Ichigo.

Renji turned and walked away.

"See ya later, guys."

"Yeah."

"Goodbye, Renji. Remember Renji. It's still your watch tonight."

"Yeah."

Renji exited the room, with tears running down his cheeks.

* * *

The night was as quiet as the night before had been. No hollows and a lot of time to think about all the things he didn't want to think about. No matter how he tried, the thoughts of Ichigo always came intruding. He tried to shake them of, but they just came back. He knew that if it would keep on going like this, it wouldn't be long before he would brake down. 

_**Love hurts, love scars**_

**_Love wounds, and mars any heart_**

A wind passed by him, and he closed his eyes. If he tried really hard, the wind that caressed his cheeks would no longer be just a wind. It would be Ichigo's hand, gently touching him, pulling him closer. At least that's what Renji hoped would happen. He knew that it would never be like that. The wind couldn't just change. The wind was the wind, and nothing else.

**_Not tough or strong enough_**

_**To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain**_

Renji started moving around, hoping that maybe by putting himself in movement he had to think more about where he was putting his feet, rather then thinking of Ichigo. But his plan only worked halfway. The thoughts were still there, but they didn't scream as loud.

Renji stopped for a while. And almost as ordered, the thoughts came back. This time they rang louder in Renji's mind and he felt how his whole body was giving in to the pain.

_**Love is like a cloud, holds a lot of rain**_

_**Love hurts, ohh love hurts**_

His cheeks were wet in just a few seconds, and his whole body was shaking. He wanted to scream out loud, but not a sound came over his lips. He collapsed on the ground. _"Why? Why?" _He turned to lie on his back and looked at the stars that were glowing above. They were shining like always. To them time didn't mean anything. They felt no pain, no sorrow. Renji wished that he could be there among them. Among the stars, feeling no pain. But who was he trying to fool. He, out of all people, was certainly not a star. He was only a flea. Someone not even worth mentioning. Someone like him would never end up with the stars.

* * *

"Come on Ichigo. Please… please…" 

"No, Rukia. I don't feel like it."

Rukia pouted.

"You're so boring today."

"Why don't you ask Renji? Maybe he would like to go to the beach with you? Or Inoue? Or just someone else?"

"Count me out," said Renji as soon as Ichigo stopped talking.

"You two are really boring today. Fine! I'll go and ask Inoue and leave the two of you sitting here and rot in this room."

Rukia exited the room with her nose up in the air. Renji watched her leave and then he looked at Ichigo. Ichigo wasn't even looking at Rukia. He was looking out the window.

"Did the two of you have a fight or something?"

"Neh. I just didn't feel like going to the beach today. We've been going there every day for about a week. I just want to take a break from it."

"She sounded like you two had just fight."

Ichigo turned and looked at Renji.

"You seem very interested in whether we had a fight or not. Why?"

"Just looking out for my friend."

Renji felt as though he deserved to be thrown out of the window. He hated to lie like that. It wasn't out of concern for Rukia he had asked. It was because of the pain that had shimmered by in Ichigo's face. He wished that he could heal that pain.

"Right."

Ichigo turned back to watch out through the window.

"Is there something particular going on outside?"

"Not really."

Renji walked up to the window and looked outside to see what Ichigo was looking at. It was no lie when Ichigo had said 'not really'. There really wasn't anything special going on outside.

"Hey, Renji. I never asked you what you thought about me and Rukia. I mean, you did love her, right. And there I came and took her away. You must have really hated me for that."

Renji's heart almost stopped. His hands were getting sweaty and his throat dry.

"I did… I mean… I... at first… but then…"

Renji quickly shut his mouth. He had almost told Ichigo everything.

"Okay… I'm not sure how to interpret that."

Renji cleared his throat.

"It's true. I did hate you at first. But then I fell… I mean I learned to accept it."

"_Damn it. I almost did it again. Why does he affect me that much? He stands so close, but his still so far away. Ichigo…"_

"Okay. Well if it eases the pain just a little, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt anyone. Especially not y… well that's it. I never meant to hurt any one."

Ichigo suddenly stood up and walked to the door.

"I'm thirsty. Do you want anything?"

He looked at Renji and smiled weakly.

"_Yes, you."_

_**I see your beautiful smile and I would like to run away from**_

_**Reflections of me in your eyes**_

_**Oh please talk to me, show some pity**_

_**You touch me in many, many ways**_

**_But I'm shy can't you see_**

"No. I'm fine."

"Okay."

Ichigo exited the room and left Renji sitting there in his bed. Renji looked at the door, which had been left opened. _"Why?"

* * *

_

The following days Renji remember as if looking at them through clouds. Rukia went to the beach everyday, after nagging at him and Ichigo, begging them to come with her. In the end she had given up hope and asked Inoue instead.

Renji remembered that those days also had been a few of the happiest days of his life. He had gotten to spend each day with Ichigo, and even if they were just sitting in his room, looking out the window, it had been perfect. Just the feeling of Ichigo close, made Renji all warm inside and just the smell of Ichigo, made Renji's heart beat faster.

But even though it felt so good, Renji knew that it wasn't good for him. He knew that this would only make everything so much harder in the end. But right now, he didn't care. This was perfect and he took one day at the time.

While looking out through the window they occasionally said a word or two, and Renji got to learn things about Ichigo he never even would have thought about. Step by step he got closer to Ichigo and he realized how dangerous it really was. But he didn't care. _"If I'm going to brake, I might as well brake with a big bang."_

The days moved slowly, yet when the day before Ichigo's birthday came, Renji thought it was too soon. He had been thinking about giving Ichigo a birthday present, but he had no idea of what to give. The days had just passed there in Ichigo's room and he had never taken the time to go and look for anything. The night before Ichigo's birthday he decided to skip the present and just congratulate him. That would probably be enough.

* * *

Renji walked up the stairs and down the hall, toward Ichigo's room. Today it was Ichigo's birthday, so Renji had just stepped by to congratulate Ichigo. He had been let in by Ichigo's father and been told that Ichigo was in his room. Knowing the way to Ichigo's room, Renji had thanked Isshin and then walked away from him. 

Now as he was standing in front of Ichigo's door, he didn't really know if he had the courage to even knock. Then he heard Rukia's voice.

"Idiot!"

"Well right back at you!"

Renji raised an eyebrow. _"What the hell?" _

"I can't believe that I just wasted all this time on you! You're such a fuckin' moron!"

"Well it's not like time is anything to you! You're already dead! You're not dreading the day you'll die. You don't have a limit to how long you will live. If anyone wasted time on this relationship it was me."

The sound of Rukia's hand hitting Ichigo's cheek was heard through the door.

"This is over! You and me, over!"

The door to Ichigo's door opened and Rukia stormed out. She walked past Renji and then she turned and looked at Ichigo, who had gotten as far as to the doorway.

"Go to hell, Ichigo!"

"Well I rather do that, then go to soul society and have to put up with you!"

Ichigo slammed the door shut and Rukia ran away. Renji just looked at the closed door, a little shocked that no one of them seemed to have noticed that he had been standing there. Then he lifted his hand to knock, but he hesitated. Ichigo didn't seem like he was in the mood for any "Happy birthdays". But then he shook of all the insecurity and knocked loudly.

"WHAT?"

Renji shrugged back and his hand was shaking as he opened the door. He looked inside and found Ichigo sitting on the bed.

"Oh, it's you Renji. Sorry 'bout the burst out."

"Are you alright?"

Ichigo looked at Renji.

"How much did you hear?"

"I think it was something about 'idiot'. And then it was the whole scene with Rukia storming out and telling you to go to hell. What happened?"

"That's none of your business!"

Renji looked down at the floor. It was too hard to even look at Ichigo. Even though Ichigo did not show it, he was greatly hurt. Renji knew that.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have asked."

"Damn right you shouldn't."

Ichigo sighed.

"What did you came here for?"

"That's… it's not… it doesn't matter anymore."

"Just spell it out."

Renji took a deep breath. _"Well, here goes nothing."_

"I came to wish you a happy birthday, but it sure doesn't seem that happy."

Ichigo snorted.

"Damn right it doesn't seem like a happy birthday. Damn that stupid girl."

Renji looked at Ichigo with anger.

"Hey! She's still my best friend. Don't you dare talk bad about her."

"She was my girlfriend until just a minute ago. I'll say whatever I want about her."

"_What? Was his girlfriend?"_

"What the hell are you saying?"

"Man, you sure are slow. We broke up! Do I have to tattoo it into my forehead for you to understand it or what? I thought you heard it all. Who wouldn't? Her voice probably carried all the way to the next town."

Even though he knew it was wrong, Renji couldn't help of feeling a little glad over the news.

"Hell! I can't stay in this room. Care to accompany me for a drink or two, Renji?"

Ichigo got up, walked past Renji and out into the hall.

"Wha…?"

"I'm not asking again."

Renji looked at Ichigo, confused about the sudden turn in the conversation.

"Yes or no?"

"O… okay."

"Good. Let's head out then."

* * *

Renji paid the bartender, who poured up two more beers. Which number this order had he did not know. He had lost count a long time ago. But Ichigo had probably lost count long before him. He passed Ichigo his beer and Ichigo received the glass in his shaking hands. 

"I tell you Renji. All women are probably just as stupid. They only got one thing on their mind. All they want is a stupid ring on their finger."

Ichigo swept down the whole glass.

"I thought things were just fine as they were, but no. 'I'm sorry Ichigo. But this relationship isn't going anywhere,'" he said, imitating Rukia.

Renji sipped a little from his beer. Ichigo had been talking none stop for the last three glasses. Or at least Renji thought it was the last three. He was too drunk to remember. Although he was sure that Ichigo had gotten down at least twice as much alcohol as himself.

"Why does everything have to go somewhere all the time? Why can't she just let it stay still for a while and just enjoy it a little?"

Ichigo raised his hand to order an other beer.

"I don't care how old she is, but I'm only nineteen. I'm not ready to get married. Maybe I don't want to get married. Ever."

The bartender brought Ichigo his beer.

"Hell I don't even know her age, and I am not risking my life to find out."

Ichigo sipped the beer lightly.

"Besides, I didn't want that stupid relationship anyway. She practically forced it upon me. I mean, what do you say when a girl like that stands in front of you and says that she loves you? If I'd turned her down she'd probably cry or kill me. Stupid woman."

"Are you saying you spent all that time with her, and you didn't even love her? I'm sorry Ichigo, but my sympathy is starting to lean toward Rukia."

"Idiot! Not even I would be that stupid to waste all that time on a woman I didn't even love. I may have loved her in the beginning."

"May have?"

"Hell, I don't know. What the hell is love anyway? Just a bunch of stupid feelings and hormones. Yeah, I may have loved her. Or maybe I just wanted to fuck her."

Renji shrugged back at the harshness of Ichigo's words. Then he blushed and looked away.

"Hah. You're blushing. Was I too forward with you? Maybe you're really just a little shy boy…"

Ichigo's head dropped to the bar. He groaned in pain as it hit the wood. The bartender walked up to them. He looked first at Ichigo and then at Renji.

"I think your friend has had enough. Besides, where closing soon."

Renji sighed and got up from the chair. He put one of his arms around Ichigo's waist and lifted him up from the chair. Ichigo leaned on Renji and put his head on Renji's shoulder.

"Where are we going now," Ichigo slurred.

"Home."

"That's no fun. Come on, lets do something fun."

"You can't even stand on your own, much less do anything else."

"You're such a drag."

Renji ignored the comment and started walking toward the exit.

* * *

Well home, Ichigo had almost fallen asleep. Renji was almost carrying him and when they got to the stairs he picked up Ichigo in his arms. It would take far too much time and effort to let Ichigo walk for himself. When he got to the top of the stairs, Ichigo had fallen asleep and was snoring softly. Renji carried him into his room and laid him down on the bed. 

The room was dark, apart from the moonlight that sneaked through the window. It cast its light over Ichigo's unconscious body. Renji couldn't tear his eyes of Ichigo. Here in the moonlight his features were softened. The pain he had shown before was gone.

_**So sorry your world is tumbling down**_

He didn't have his usual frown and there was actually a hint of a smile on his lips. Renji's heart skipped a beat here and there. If he had thought of Ichigo as beautiful before, it was nothing like this. Right now Ichigo seemed like taken from a fairytale. Or at least a dream.

_**I will watch you through these nights**_

Renji wished this night would last forever, as he gazed at Ichigo. He wished that he could just hold Ichigo in his arms and make all of the pain go away.

_**Rest your head and go to sleep**_

Renji leaned close to Ichigo's face and felt his breath. Sure it smelled strongly of alcohol, but it was warm. He realized that his lips were only centimetres away from Ichigo's. It would be so easy just to move those centimetres and kiss the man he had wanted to kiss for so long. If there ever was going to be a time, now was it. _"It's not like anyone will know. Besides me." _He let his lips connect with Ichigo's. They were cool and Renji sighed. This was probably all he was ever going to get. One stolen kiss.

Suddenly he felt a hand in his neck, pushing him closer to Ichigo. Ichigo opened his lips and welcomed Renji into his mouth. Renji's whole body was shaking. _"This is not happening. I'm dreaming. Oh, please don't ever let me wake up." _Renji deepened the kiss and as their tongues where playing he couldn't help but to moan. He felt something wet on his cheeks and realized that he was crying. He pulled away from Ichigo. This was wrong. This wasn't how he wanted it to happen. He stood up and turned to walk away, but Ichigo caught his arm.

"Hey, where are you going? I thought that you wanted me to kiss you."

Renji stopped. He quickly wiped his tears away, but new ones just came.

"But it is not what you want, Ichigo. Don't do it out of pity or any other stupid reason. I've gotten used to the fact that you're forbidden territory. Just let me be."

Renji tried to get loose, but Ichigo held his arm tight. He sat up in the bed and pulled Renji close. He kissed Renji on the cheeks, where the tears still were flowing.

"How do you know what I want?"

Renji pushed him of.

"You're drunk. Just go back to sleep."

Ichigo pushed Renji down on the bed and put himself on top of him.

"I'm not that drunk. Why did you kiss me, Renji? Why are you crying?"

Renji turned his head so that he wouldn't have to look Ichigo in the eyes.

"Dunno."

"You're such a bad liar."

Ichigo leaned down and kissed Renji on the neck.

"Ichigo…"

"Renji, how long have you loved me?"

Renji opened his eyes wide and pushed of Ichigo.

"I… do not... love you."

Ichigo smiled.

"Liar."

"I will not… be some… consolation fuck to you!"

Ichigo looked at Renji, amused by the blushing shinigami. Then he pushed Renji down on the bed again. Renji squirmed and tried to get loose.

"Get of me!"

"Who said I was looking for a consolation fuck?"

"You just broke up with Rukia. Go make up with her or something. Just leave me alone."

"But she's not the one I want."

Renji threw his fist into Ichigo's face. Now the tears were really flowing down Renji's cheeks and he wished that he never had taken that chance to kiss Ichigo. This was wrong. He didn't want it to happen like this.

"You're so full of shit! Get of me, now!"

Ichigo rubbed his chin and the he grabbed Renji's arms and held them down on the bed.

"Remember it was you who kissed me. It seemed then like this was what you wanted. But now you're telling me the opposite."

"You're just doing this… 'cause you broke up… with Rukia. And you're drunk."

Renji's voice broke and he started sobbing violently.

"Renji… do you now how long I have wished for you to show me in anyway that you wanted to be more than friends."

The words took away the fighting spirit in Renji. His body stopped resisting. Ichigo let go of Renji's arms and wiped away all of Renji's tears with his thumbs. Then he held Renji close and comforted him, by gently stroking his hands on Renji's back. The sobbing calmed down and slowly went away.

"All this time I just wished that you would say something, do something. It did take me a few months with Rukia to see that she wasn't the one I wanted. And I knew that I would have to break up with her sooner or later. It was just that I was afraid to give up what I had and end up alone. What if you still would have loved Rukia and then the two of you would have ended up together? But in the end I realized that I couldn't drag Rukia down into something that would break her heart completely."

"Was that what you were fighting about, earlier today?"

"Yeah. I told her that I loved someone else and that I had loved this someone for months. Then she freaked out."

"No wonder. You could have just broken up with her."

"But I had to tell her the truth. She deserves to know the truth at least."

"It may be so, but I still think it was kind of harsh."

Ichigo sighed.

"It's just that these last days have been so perfect, and still such a torture. There were several times when all I wanted was to push you down and kiss you, but I didn't want to ruin our friendship. And I knew that she was about to find out. She has been mighty suspicious of me for weeks."

"Well there was reason."

Ichigo smiled weakly and Renji answered with a smile. He felt at peace now. Talking like this had calmed him down a lot.

"You're right. She must have noticed that something was up. The more time that went by, the more I started spacing out. There were times when I was unable to be reached. And all these times, I was thinking of you. How much I loved you. How much I wanted you to love me. And for each day it hurt so much more and there were days when I didn't know how to move on. I would wake up beside Rukia and wish that she would be gone and that it would be you laying there."

"Ichigo…"

Renji kissed Ichigo gently and placed his hands on Ichigo's cheeks. He had realized now that Ichigo had been in as much pain as he had.

_**You are not alone in life**_

_**All though you might think, that you are**_

"One thing I don't get though. Why were you yelling at her? You wanted to brake up with her, right?"

"Yeah. But it was I who was suppose to break up with her. Not the other way around."

"So you fought with her because of your stupid pride."

"Hey!"

Renji laughed.

"By the way, weren't we in the middle of something? You broke my concentration, Renji."

Ichigo moved his lips to Renji's ear and took Renji's earlobe between his lips and kissed it hungrily. Renji moaned.

"So you do like this? Renji, if you haven't guessed it already, I'm telling you now. You're not a consolation fuck. No, this I have dreamed of for months. And every time I woke up to find that it had been a dream, I just wanted to disappear. I never thought this day would come."

He began undressing Renji, moving his hands slowly on Renji's body.

"Ichi…"

Renji moaned and his breathing became irregular. When he felt Ichigo's hands on his bare skin, he wanted to scream. _"Please don't let this be a dream. Please." _He felt Ichigo bending down to place feather kisses on his exposed chest.

"Ahh…"

Ichigo looked up at Renji and smirked.

"Did you like that?"

Renji swallowed. His throat felt dry and when he opened his mouth to answer, not a single word came over his lips. Ichigo smiled and leaned in.

"So you're speechless? Well it doesn't matter. You don't have to say anything. I think your body does all the talking."

Ichigo pushed Renji down on the bed and moved his leg between Renji's legs. Renji threw his head back and moaned loudly.

"See."

"Ichigo, please…"

"Schh…"

Ichigo kissed Renji hungrily. He removed the rest of Renji's cloths and then his own. He ran his hand alongside Renji's thigh, greatly aroused by the sounds the magenta shinigami made. His lips left Renji's and wandered down Renji's body instead. Now Renji's breathing existed of short and quick panting. Ichigo place one last kiss on Renji's chest and the he moved his lips back to Renji's lips.

"I'm sorry Renji. But I can't hold it anymore. If I don't have you soon, I'll wither away."

"Ichigo… I… love…"

"Schhh… take that later."

Ichigo adjust his body to Renji's. He put one hand on Renji's waist and felt how Renji's body got tense. He kissed Renji.

"Relax Renji. Or else it will hurt so much more."

"It's kind of hard to relax right now."

Ichigo smiled and kissed Renji once more. He felt how Renji relaxed a little.

"Good. Now I hope you're ready."

Renji nodded and soon he felt Ichigo inside of him. It hurt a lot, but still it was the greatest feeling he had ever felt. As Ichigo slowly began to move inside of him, he moaned. Both out of the pain and out of the lust he felt. Slowly they were both driven to ecstasy and when the release came, Renji screamed out loud.

_**Baby, thought died and gone to heaven**_

_**Such a night I never had before**_

_**Thought I died and gone to heaven.**_

…

**_I never loved, swear to God_**

_**Never needed no one**_

_**Till you came along**_

…

_**Never thought it could be this good**_

**_You made love to me, the way it ought to be_**

Afterwards they lay tightly entangled and felt their bodies cool down. When their breaths returned to normal, Ichigo whispered something in Renji's ear.

"What?"

"That was nice."

"Nice? Was that all it was?"

Ichigo laughed.

"Just teasing you."

Renji hit Ichigo lightly in the chest.

"Stupid."

Ichigo laughed some more. Then he kissed Renji and snuggled up real close. Renji groaned and his eyes filled up with tears. Tears of joy, and pain. For even though they had gone this far and everything was solved, Renji loved Ichigo so much that it hurt.

"What's the matter, Renji?"

"Nothing. I'm just…"

"Did it hurt that much? I'm sorry. I tried to take it easy, but I just…"

Renji blushed violently and he was grateful that it was dark in the room.

"It's not that. I'm just so…"

Ichigo smiled weakly.

"Happy?"

Renji nodded and Ichigo kissed him. When their lips parted Ichigo looked into Renji's eyes.

"It turned out to be a good birthday, despite of the beginning."

"Happy nineteenth birthday, Ichigo."

Ichigo smiled and with that smile he fell asleep. Renji pulled him really close and with Ichigo's face against his neck, Renji fell asleep. And the last thing that went through his mind, was how good Ichigo's hair smelled.

* * *

The End

If you liked this, then read my other Bleach fanficton. If you haven't already.


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